{"id":53055,"date":"2015-09-02T00:01:32","date_gmt":"2015-09-02T07:01:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.cookiesandclogs.com\/?p=53055"},"modified":"2016-05-31T15:12:41","modified_gmt":"2016-05-31T22:12:41","slug":"understanding-depression","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cookiesandclogs.com\/understanding-depression\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding Depression & What It’s Like to Live With"},"content":{"rendered":"

I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve mentioned it here yet but I have major clinical depression. It\u2019s a condition I\u2019ve been dealing with since I was eight years old and it will likely affect me for the rest of my life. After five years of sharing my life with you, it seems like a good time to open up about this.<\/p>\n

Understanding Depression \u2013 Not Something You Can Just “Get Over”<\/h3>\n

If you\u2019re not familiar with clinical depression, it\u2019s not a matter of feeling a \u201clittle down\u201d every so often or something you can just \u201cget out of.\u201d Though the effects may go unseen outwardly, it\u2019s an actual medical illness that can require professional assistance in managing. Unless you have experienced it or are close to someone who deals with it on an ongoing basis, understanding depression can be very difficult. It skews one\u2019s entire way of thinking and can be debilitating in every aspect of everyday life.<\/p>\n

Though I experienced symptoms of depression since I was a young child, it was not until I was about 19 years old that I was actually diagnosed. I\u2019ve been through years of counseling, herbs, medication changes, lifestyle changes, improvement in diet and exercise, etc. Yet, I continue to struggle with the mental, emotional, and physical effects every day.<\/p>\n

\"Health<\/p>\n

Now, it\u2019s important to know that depression affects everyone differently. So, though I have quite a bit of knowledge regarding depression, it is based solely on my own experience. For me, my stamina is greatly affected. That is why I cannot work outside of the home. You might be surprised to hear this when my online feed is full of photos from traveling, press events, and family activities. What you don\u2019t see is me being stuck in bed for the next 3-5 days, in and out of sleep and internalizing overwhelming stress.<\/p>\n

Understanding Depression \u2013\u00a0Unintentional Altered Way of Thinking<\/h3>\n

I constantly deal with feelings of worthlessness. Is someone not having a good day? It must be my fault and I have to apologize. Is someone less than happy with me? I can\u2019t focus on anything but how to make things right. Did someone do something good? They\u2019re so much better than me. Was something great achieved? It must have been a fluke since I\u2019m not capable enough. When I\u2019m at a low point, there\u2019s no reasoning with me as the self-hate is continual and nonsensical. That is, if I can even muster the strength to talk.<\/p>\n

While you might notice a lot of \u201cI\u201d and \u201cme\u201d in those above statements, it\u2019s not just a matter of being self-centered. When experiencing depression, it can\u2019t be helped. Negative feelings of all things bad about yourself come to the fore and continue to haunt you. That\u2019s just part of the condition.<\/p>\n

Also, unlike others who can feel highs and lows, my feelings are always somewhat flat-lined \u2013 never really happy for an extended period of time and not able to feel the pain of others when I logically should. So, while I can cry at toilet paper commercials, I have a hard time relating to the death of someone. When I should bubble over with warm feelings of joy from time with loving friends and family, I just smile then go home and curl up in a ball by myself and sigh. It\u2019s not fun. Really.<\/p>\n

\"Health

Photo Credit: Robot Hugs<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Understanding Depression \u2013\u00a0Positive Support is Crucial<\/h3>\n

Fortunately, Frans, Munchkin, and my mom are amazing supports and I\u2019m so thankful that they continue to put up with my Mr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde in public and in private. Plus, they understand when it\u2019s just me or when \u201cthe sickness\u201d is taking over. The worst thing about clinical depression is that, when the symptoms are not as strong or are somewhat under control, I wonder if I have it at all or if I\u2019ve just been making it all up all this time. As the medication starts to lose it\u2019s strength, though, the cycle begins again and inevitably the depression rears its ugly head. If only I had some physical scar or wound then I, and others, would know it was real and not just excuse. Ugh, I hate having this.<\/p>\n

However, this is just part of my life. It doesn\u2019t have to define me or dictate the quality of everything else. I\u2019m trying my best to focus on the positive. So, even if things appear carefree and rosey on the outside, looks can be deceiving. If you sense that someone is dealing with some sort of depression, try to listen and be understanding as a thoughtless statement can cause a lot of pain and hurt.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve mentioned it here yet but I have major clinical depression. 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